Kratom + Pregabalin: Which Should I Quit First?

Hi everyone!
I’ve been reading this subreddit for a long time, but this is my first post because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve been addicted to kratom for about 3 years.
I live in Thailand, where it’s legal and available everywhere. I work in entertainment, and every time I ride to work I pass several places selling it. It’s incredibly easy to relapse.
About two weeks ago I finally told my wife about my addiction. She supported me, and I tried to quit. Unfortunately I relapsed and eventually went back to hiding my use again.
The hardest part is that my wife has never experienced addiction herself. From her perspective it’s basically, “If you managed not to drink yesterday, why can’t you just keep doing that?” I don’t blame her, but I don’t think telling her about every relapse helps anymore. It mostly hurts her and leaves me feeling ashamed.
Besides kratom, I’m also taking pregabalin.
Originally I started pregabalin to make kratom withdrawal easier. I took it occasionally for about a year, but for the last 9 months I’ve been taking 450 mg every day. Whenever I try to quit kratom, I often increase it to 600 mg for a few days just to get through withdrawal.
My kratom use is usually around 1.5–2 liters of brewed kratom tea per day.
One thing that makes tapering kratom especially difficult is that I don’t have a fixed supply. I buy it situationally from different places around town, usually while I’m already on my way somewhere. Because of that, a structured taper has been almost impossible for me to stick to.
During the last couple of weeks I’ve been working through SMART Recovery exercises (DISARM, DIBS, urge analysis, addictive voice, values work, journaling, etc.). They’ve helped me understand my addiction much better, but unfortunately understanding hasn’t been enough to stop me.
I’ve also realized that controlled use doesn’t seem to work for me. Every time I convince myself to take “just one small dose,” within a few days I’m back in the cycle.
Almost every relapse happens before work. I keep telling myself I’ll use just enough to get through the day, but that almost always turns into another cycle.
The biggest reason I relapse is that I lose all motivation to do anything. Everything feels empty, difficult and meaningless. I know this probably improves with time, but in those moments it feels unbearable, and I end up reaching for kratom just to function.
The shame is becoming overwhelming.
I’m ashamed of hiding my use again, ashamed of disappointing my wife, and honestly I feel desperate. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trapped between kratom, pregabalin, shame and guilt.
My questions are:
Has anyone here dealt with both kratom and pregabalin dependence?
Which one did you quit first?
Did you stabilize one before tapering the other?
What actually worked for you?
Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently?
I know nobody here can give medical advice. I’m only looking for personal experiences from people who have been through something similar.
Thank you for reading🙏🏻