The most racist netcode since Guilty Gear

First off I would like to apolagise to the japanese for being a disgusting gaijin.
I understand your matchmaking server is in japan and if even a single glorious nihonjin should grace my game that means I will have a 400 ping.
I don't know how many item boxes you should lag through in front of me in recompense for my impudent action of playing your game but may you enjoy the many fruits of my labour.
If I have offended you in any way by not having any shell that ever touches my Kart not be lagged out and explode without you being hit by it I am truly sorry and beg the forgiveness of your emporer.
I know you know the inherent power you have because whenever you move in front of me you swerve constanly destroying my games ability to undersand where you are on my screen and despite Nintendo slowing turn speed in this game comapared to mario kart 8 your superior japanese kart still somehow manage to be on both sides of the super wide couses at once

Yours sincerly, guy living in Australia