I’m never telling a man about my past again

Maybe I was taught wrong, but it seems as though every time I open up to a guy about the things I went through and what made me who I am today, he uses that against me.

Last night I got intimate with a guy I’ve been seeing for the first time after letting my guard down and telling him about my trauma related to sex. He reassured me several times that he was going to be considerate, and being the idiot that I am, I believed him.

He kept trying to penetrate me despite me telling him how much it hurt and to stop. At some point I became defenseless and allowed him to take control. What happened from there is a blur, but I woke up in his bed and he started doing it again. The second time there was a bit of foreplay, but overall he tried penetrating me and it wouldn’t go in.

I kept saying no and telling him stop and his responses were "you can trust me" and "it’ll only hurt until I’m fully inside". My insides felt like they were ripping. I’m home now and I’m still bleeding and my body hurts. Literally everything hurts.

Why does this keep happening to me? I thought the whole point of letting someone in was by being vulnerable. The only reward I’ve gotten from being open is punishment. Before meeting him I was sworn off of dating because of similar experiences. I thought he would be different. I’ve never felt so low in my life.