Gf killed my mental health

Hello guys!
I need your help or tips to stop thinking so much.

I’m in a relationship that I will end soon because I can’t handle all that humiliation.
We are over 3 Years together, had up and downs like many couples out there.

My mental downfall started 2 Years ago, I was a very jealous type of person and made her life harder with my bs, in the first year of the relationship.
I changed a lot since and she has all the freedom that she needs to live her life, like she wants but I she has lost all her respect for me.

She started to insult me in every argument but that’s not what broke me.
The personal insults destroyed me.
She attacked my body, my choices, my personality.
But I powered through all of that because I loved her so much.

Now after 3 years I had the power to have the big breakup convo.
We talked a lot.
She sad things that completely ruined me even more.
She ist taller than me, like 4cm, not a lot but enough for her.
After 3 Years she finally said that my height bothers her to a point that she can’t overlook it, I was so confident about my height after a long time hating myself for something I can’t change.
Yeah now I’m back again.

After 3 Years she finally said to me that our sex isn’t what she needs, for her it’s just „ok“.
I asked her so many times about our sex because our sexlife got quieter.
But I got no right answer.
I never had problems with my past relationships because they talked!

When I think about having sex, I get anxious.
It’s so much right now. I’m constantly thinking about myself, I criticize myself and blame myself for the end of the relationship.
She was very draining, one day she was the perfect gf and the next day she made my life miserable.
I was so mentally dependent that after all that, I gave her another chance.

Fast forward to today. She is on a festival here in Germany.
She ghosted me the last 1,5 days and I let her have fun because I want to give her, her space and don’t I don’t want to let her think that I’m a dog that chases her like always.
She already told me many times that I’m in her eyes not man enough.

This morning I sent her a message, why she didn’t text for so long. She responded 5h later.
She said that she finally has fun, that our sex life shit is, that I can’t give her what she needs, that I’m a bad bf.

I have no motivation to do anything, I’m thinking about myself the last weeks and with the current situation in my head..
I don’t think I will ever find a new person for me.
My confidence is gone and she destroyed me, lied to me, didn’t talked about her problems and now it’s feeling like it’s to late because she only sees the bad things. Please don’t ask me why she stayed, I don’t know either.

The worst part is that I feel guilty for the end of the relationship even that I really tried and talked.