Childhood bullying takes a toll on life fr

I'm now a 20 year old , but once I was a 12 year old kid, who was constantly made fun of, a 12 year old who had to hear some of the boys of our cls say disgusting things to me, whispering rndm sexual words in my ears (to grab attention?) i saw some of them drawing sexual pictures of girls and giving them the names of our cls girls.

I was 12 years old, when this one girl of our class came to me looked at my lunch box and said "u really eat this much of food?" She practically announced it to the entire cls, even tho I was pretty lean back then I felt the need to starve myself, I used to throw wtever my mum used to keep in my lunchbox. I'm still figuring my ed habits (so thankful that I'm finally putting the effort to recover from it)

I was a nerd back then and was made fun of pretty brutally. I was always isolated and called names for "studying too much" . There was a team that ganged up against me with the aim to bully me out of studies. I still have a problem with socializing. I get panic attacks when someone picks up on me still.

I got called "aunty" in my intermediate because I preferred wearing a dupatta over the salwar suits.

I remember a comment from one of my frd saying "only if u don't have the dark undereyes, you could've been ok to look at" n since then i tried ignoring to look at myself in the mirrors I pass by

Everything I just said could be just little things, but these affect my life to this very day. I still fight w my ed and panic attacks. I remember being very vulnerable and suicidal in my childhood, I'm healed from that version of me, but y does a literal child have to go thru smtg like this? I wish I could hug my younger self and make her feel safe 🫂.

I wish I could work on my ed and panic attacks 🫂

I myself am a medical student rn but the bullying only gets worse in medical school , some days it's all too much to take in, but ntg new from wt I've seen since childhood.