You ruined my life all for what?

You’ve brought so much trauma to me. I have literal nightmares. Can’t sleep. Can’t rest my brain. All because I actually lost the love of my life. Looping the most hurtful things you’ve said while simultaneously looping the good ones. And all you did was lie. You mentally killed me. How could you do this to someone and feel no remorse? I spent months feeling guilt. Guilt turned to sadness. Sadness turned to anger. Anger turned into grief. Grief turned into PTSD. I’m forever messed up because of you and your lies. You won. I am stuck in a loop thinking about how you could do this to me. Reliving the day you left. Avoiding areas we visited together. Avoid music we listened together. How you could be so good at lying to me. You only love yourself. You mentally used me to get over your divorce. Slowly sucking out any form of sanity I had left. Until I eventually broke. Gaslighting me at every corner. You had sex with me the night before you left. Couldn’t you have been honest and gave me a warning you were not feeling the relationship? Nope. Nothing. Woke up one morning decided to leave and block me.

One day someone will hurt you like you hurt me. One day you’ll understand what you do to others. One day someone will cheat on you like you did to your ex husband (wasn’t with me). You can only act the way you act for so long until you get hurt. One day you’ll learn how having that person exist brings you pain because they got away with it. Knowing they are out there having the time of their life while they sucked yours away.

I should have stayed away from you. I shouldn’t have got sucked in. I shouldn’t have fallen for someone who leaves everyone in her life. Me thinking I was different is insanity. Me thinking you care is insanity. You came into my life to end it but you can’t even look me in the eyes when you do it. You runaway while you leave me suffering In the home we shared. That’s cruel. You could have made this easier for me. Instead you make me ponder suicide day in and day out. All you do is think I’m manipulative while I’m actually wallowing every night in pain. You just don’t get it.