I want him to look at me but I'm shy

Guys, crush ko to e, malamang sa malamang mahihiya ako. Whenever I go down on him, I would ask na wag niya akong tignan, he wouldn't namn but one time he did look and I got shy agad, like ayaw ko na nahihiya na kong ituloy, though he said not to mind it, I DO MIND IT!! I can't see what I look like in your eyes!

I'm scared na he might find me ugly in that position yk? When he goes down on me, I'm scared na what if may amoy? May lasa? Etc. although sinabi niya naman na walang lasa, having seen him go down me just makes me wetter to a whole new level. And again, the perspective

But really I wanna be seen, I want him to look, I want him to know na ako ang nandoon in that position, in that moment with him. Kaso wala e, nahihiya ako HAHAHAH parang d ko kayang maki-tao after the deed, although I've seen a glimpse of him smiling to himself, parang nagpipigil ngumiti whenever I'm around, I don't wanna assume anything.

I've been honest with him naman, sakanya ko lang nagawa tong mga to, sakanya ko nalaman mga kinks ko, gusto kong sabihin na gusto kong i tie up niya kamay ko or tignan niya ko while we do the deed kaso I might bite more than I can chew so ayun tlga HAHAHAH

How to overcome huhu