my weight went back up and i genuinely wanna die

i didn't even binge and i was at my new lowest weight but i did end up eating a bit more than my limit. i tried to exercise it off but i was so lethargic i don't think i actually managed to burn anything. um usually the scale i don't check unless it's the morning before i eat but i've been feeling so paranoid so i did and it's gone up way too much and i literally i've been crying i nearly had a panic attack and now i wanna kill myself but unfortunately given my past i'm too cowardly to so now i'm just i dunno ugh. everything's gone. all my hard work. and no one even saw it cause it was the stupid vacation and i haven't met any of my friends because i'm failing school and my parents need me to study and i have nothing in my life anymore