Was in a car accident last year, having lot of trouble, coming to terms and and getting over the greif and healing process

TW description of crash and aftermath, mentions of injuries from it

i was in a car crash may 2025 with my boyfriend-of 3 months at the time-and i am horrified to drive. i fractured the left side of my mandible at an angle, it was dislodged sticking through and poking into my mouth. the moment i got out of the car i realised i couldn’t speak correctly. but i just kept on crying and screaming i dont even know what. i had my phone in my hand and i dialed 911, and then grew even more hysterical that i couldn’t communicate with the operator.

my boyfriend found me and i had handed him my phone. this is somthing i feel so guilty for, he had already called 911, and then he literally had a phone in each hand with 911 on call, i genuinely dont remember or know what exactly he did with that. but its somthing my head just stuck a pin in so hard. i feel so goofy and i know i quit literally did, in that moment, make that whole situation way harder and more overwhelming for him. and i feel so horrible and guilty that i did that.

that leads me to also say; my brain still has the sentiment that its my fault. the reason we were driving was no joke, i just asked to go for a drive to enjoy music and be with him.

the car we hit had an older couple, i never saw their faces, never spoke to them. i cant articulate or explain why, but the reaction they had to the crash was so, lax and apathetic towards us. i. didnt. see. them. ever. my boyfriend says they didn’t asl if he was okay or anything, and when he first asked them if THEY were okay, they backed away from my boyfriend like he was harmful? i genuinely dont know. what i know is i tried so desperately to speak to (and in general)and find the couple, but my boyfriend brought me to the curb cause i had to sit down-i was going into shock- but he had to go talk to a police officer that was starting to block off the intersection.

i was trying to catch my breath, and i dont really remember but i just know i fainted (we guess like 15 seconds, to at the MOST 90 seconds) and then, so vividly i just remember trying to open my eyes, and they were just fluttering for a second or two, and in my head i was genuinely going “(name) remember what happend remember? you just wrecked is this real is this real did you crash are dying” and my eyes started to focus on the gas station sign that i was facing, while laying on the road. and i made myself get up.

that’s a gist of what happened, i was brought to the ER in an EMS, and my boyfriends mom made HIM drive to the ER. (the most his mom thing. it’s extremely hard to watch)

i have a lot more of shit about my jaw fracture, i just dont know if it will make sense or mean anything. i just wanna know how people have coped/gotten through this type of thing before.

i had posted this on ptsd, but i accidentally did it on an account my email automatically made.