How can you know that a sadist is a truly safe person?

First of all, I definitely don’t think sadists are bad people and I don’t want to shame anyone for being into this! I love it too haha

I am a masochist and enjoy, among other things, intense pain, degradation, CNC, and emotional masochism. The person I’m currently seeing is actually a perfect match for this. I trust him, he respects consent and limits, prioritizes safety, and is an incredibly kind and empathetic person outside of sessions.

Still, I sometimes wonder: How can you truly trust a sadist? This is not specifically about him, but sadists in general.

It’s not because I think sadists are automatically bad people!! It’s more the fear of failing to recognize someone who is truly manipulative or even psychopathic. You often hear that such people come across as very charming and are good at hiding their true nature.

He often says or does horrible things to me, which make me afraid. He really enjoys to selfishly use me, make me cry and see me suffering. Which I love too, everything is negotiated!!

But I sometimes wonder how I can be sure I’m not dealing with exactly that kind of person. Of course people who are no sadists could also be like this and you can probably never be 100% sure.

How can someone take so much pleasure in hurting other people?

I understand that many people enjoy the control, intimacy and the immense trust you need to have in each other etc. It’s not a fear of mine, but every now and then this thought crosses my mind and I’m a curios person.

I would like to hear the perspective of others on that topic :))