I Cannot Forgive Him.

I (24F) grew up with my grandparents. My grandmother did everything she could to protect me, but my grandfather was someone I feared throughout my childhood. I remember him throwing furniture, shouting, using intimidation to get his way, and creating an environment where everyone felt like they had to walk on eggshells.

Growing up in that house affected me in ways I'm still working through with therapy and treatment.

He's now 79 and dealing with several serious medical conditions, including heart and kidney problems. Between medications and ongoing care, the financial strain has become overwhelming. My grandmother struggles to keep up with everyday expenses, and I've quietly helped whenever I could so she wouldn't have to choose between essentials.

The part I struggle with is that I can't bring myself to feel the compassion that people seem to expect.

Whenever I try, I remember what life was like growing up. I remember feeling afraid in my own home and feeling like my needs didn't matter. Those memories don't disappear simply because someone gets older or becomes ill.

I love my grandmother, and I'll continue helping her however I can. She has apologized to me over the years, and I know she did what she believed she could.

But when it comes to my grandfather, I don't think forgiveness is something I'll ever be able to give.

Sometimes, I feel guilty for being emotionally detached from his situation. Other times, I just feel exhausted. I don't know if anyone else has experienced something similar, but I needed to finally say this somewhere instead of keeping it to myself.