Odd experience during a walk today

Today, randomly, I (16M) decided to take a short walk out of the house. It’s been really hot over the last week or so, and I also was getting a headache from being inside. While out and about, I started thinking about why I am the way that I am, as one does. Then, I realised something.

I don’t think I’ve felt genuine love towards a person before. Because I felt genuine love towards the silence, the nature, the air around me on that walk, and it eclipsed anything I’ve ever felt towards anyone before. I love being alone, truly, and I love the relative quiet that comes with it. But that also made me realise that I don’t really love anyone. Not even my family.

Now, I know that love comes in many forms, and if I was apart from my family then I would feel that love a lot more if I did love them. Being around someone nearly every day would make that feel normal, right? Well, that would be the case, if not for the fact that I usually feel almost nothing change if we’re apart. Whether they leave or I leave, I don’t miss them. I don’t miss anyone, for that matter.

Anyway, the walk. I started to head home, then realised something else. The light, airy happiness I felt suddenly went away. I didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to go back to them. I don’t really know why. I’ve never had that bad of a relationship with my family; I’m fortunate in that respect. But for whatever reason, I just didn’t want to see them. I didn’t want my fleeting solitude to end.

What does all this mean? Why do I feel so much more love for the abstract concept of being alone in the quiet more than the people who raised and cared for me? What am I missing?