miss him so bad

:( i can't believe i lost my best friend. everything is so boring without him. nothing matters without him. games are so fucking boring without him. everyone i meet is boring. i wish he was here but i can't get past all the pain. i wish we never dated. i wish we just stayed best friends. i can't believe i have to just live the rest of my life without my person. wdym i can't talk to him. can't tell him about my day can't watch shows/movies with him can't share jokes & stories with him can't eat with him can't play games with him can't see him can't spend time with him anymore. how does that even make sense. we we're each other's persons. it was always so peaceful just the two of us together. we didn't need to say much. we just understood each other naturally. we didn't have to pretend with each other. knew each other inside & out. everything feels so empty without his presence. life is so boring without him here. he was once my everything. how's he supposed to be nothing now.

it's so suffocatingly lonely without him. i hope he's doing amazing. i hope he's happy now. i hope he finds his person. i just wish it could be me. but i can't be & i accept it. it hurts so bad. i started crying typing this. i'm trying so hard not to break contact & tell him i miss him. he'll be ok. i know he will. he'll heal. i'll try to look at the positive side. at least he's not stuck with a selfish possessive jealous love greedy bitch anymore. i could tell he stopped feeling happy with me. only time he'd feel light & happy was around his friends & that bitch. he disliked my boundaries & felt uncomfortable with them too. i always felt so guilty. i can't believe he was so patient with them. but at least he's free now. thank god. now he doesn't have to hold anything back with his female friends & that bitch. everything he wanted to do with them then he can now. no stupid girlfriend who asks him to sacrifice some of his time with his friends for her now. no stupid girlfriend to ask for his attention now. no stupid girlfriend he feels crippling anxiety being around now. no stupid girlfriend he avoids seeing for weeks bc of his anxiety now. no hiding shit about that bitch from stupid anxious traumatized girlfriend now. i'm glad he's free of me. i hope we both find love again that is nothing like this. he was never a bad person. he always had good intentions. i'm so sorry to him. i deserved all that resentment & neglect. i deserved his apathy numbness distance & emotional detachment.