My (29F) husband (28M) and I don't seem to enjoy the same things anymore. How do you find common hobbies when you're this different?

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4. We have a baby and a dog.

When we first got together, we genuinely had fun together. We'd go hiking, take long walks, bike around the city, go to the cinema, out for dinner, and travel. We weren't identical, but we enjoyed spending time together.

Now it feels like we're living completely different lives.

All I want is to be outside. I love going for walks with our baby, spending time at the lake, reading in the sun, exploring new places, or just being outdoors. My husband, on the other hand, wants to be home almost all the time.

He was diagnosed with AuDHD a while ago and takes medication for ADHD. I understand that autism can make certain environments overwhelming, and I try to be mindful of that. But honestly, it's becoming really hard for me.

Whenever we go out, something seems to bother him: the heat, the sun, insects, pollen, noise, crowds... there's almost always something. It feels like he's only outside because I asked him to come, and he's counting the minutes until we can leave. Walks have to have a purpose. We can't just wander because it's nice outside. If we're "just walking," he becomes restless and wants to go home.

I used to spend entire summer days at the lake swimming, reading, relaxing, and I'd love to do that with my family. It just isn't possible with him.

I've also realized that I increasingly make plans with friends or family instead, and I often dread going home afterward.

Even at home, he seems uncomfortable a lot of the time. He gets "sick" frequently, which usually means a blocked nose or feeling a bit run down, and then he spends a day lying in bed. He also has IBS, so he'll sometimes spend hours in the bathroom. I know these things are real, but it feels like there's always something preventing us from actually enjoying life together.

The moment that really made me stop and think was when we went to take photos for our daughter's first birthday at a park. Instead of looking forward to it, I spent the entire drive worrying about how to make the outing enjoyable enough for my husband so he wouldn't be miserable. He was already in a bad mood on the way there. We ended up arguing, and he left.

As soon as he was gone, I felt... relieved. I enjoyed taking photos of my daughter. There was no tension, no rushing, no trying to manage someone else's mood. I just felt peaceful, and that realization really hit me.

The confusing part is that I do love him.

We basically grew up together. He's an incredibly devoted father. He's intelligent, thoughtful, and one of the most interesting people I've ever talked to. We have great conversations.

But I'm starting to wonder if we're still compatible.

It feels like everything I genuinely enjoy is something he dislikes or only tolerates for my sake. What he enjoys is staying inside, cuddling, watching TV, having sex, or spending hours on his computer. He's currently unemployed, so I'm also carrying the financial responsibility for our family.

He does enjoy hiking in the mountains, but that has to be a full-day trip, and somehow he's usually "too busy" to dedicate an entire day to doing something as a family, even though he'll happily spend hours sleeping in or on his computer.

I don't want to resent him. I also don't want to spend my life planning everything with friends or my parents because I assume he won't enjoy it.

Has anyone been in a relationship where you genuinely loved each other but had completely different interests and energy levels? Did you find hobbies you both enjoyed, or did you accept that you needed separate lives outside the relationship? I'm struggling to tell whether this is something we can work through or whether we're simply growing into incompatible people.