The lifestyle can be so toxic 🫠

Let's just say ive always worked very hard to keep my nose clean, never tried coke, never get drunk, maybe one or two drinks per year, a glass of wine on holidays, etc...I never go out of my way to drink. I work in a creative field, where substance abuse is publicly displayed, ive seen so many bumps and rails it's not even funny.

A few months ago, I wanted to work in a bar...a few people offered me coke, and I denied. I've seen friends leave me behind, out of groups, groupchats, dj opportunities pass by because of the unrealistic amount of energy expected, and the culture has normalized cocaine to such an extreme degree. I used to be able to tune it out, deny offers, still find gigs/have fun. Now I can't even go to a bar because people are shoveling it up their noses, with a bump ready to offer. It's always awkward when I say no. Some people just don't believe me or assume I use something different. Now ive realized, I don't think I'll be able to go after the creative gigs I always wanted, especially djing, it was a very big dream of mine. I swear, its like an initiation at this point...I go to a bar, make a few friends, go out, have a bit of fun, people pull out the bags and I leave at that point. Nearly my entire group of "friends"/coworkers just don't even interact with me anymore. People don't even say hello anymore, giggling otw to the bathroom for more. Sometimes I feel like i have nobody, other days I curse myself and feel regret for never trying it. Cursing myself for even considering a music career in Miami. Sometimes I wish I was an addict, it seems like they have alot more friends and opportunities that way...I end up alone by myself, lost dates and everything. The culture is toxic. Just had to let this out 🥲😪