I feel bad because I care about her

It is so fucked up. I care about one woman. She is cute, empathic, smart and funny. I told her what I feel, and now trying. But she don't know true me. Nobody does. For most people, I am polite and gentle man. For enemies I am stupid narcist. For those who know me a little better, I am misunderstood, but well-intened weirdo. For those close to me I am traumatised, emotion starved man.

But in core, hidden so deep, that nobody saw it, lies true me. Agressive, cruel, perverted, authoritarian, manipulative and sneaky being. I feel bad because how someone like me could care about other being. And also I am afraid that if she could know about that part of me, she will run away.

It is so hard.