I am recovering but will I ever forgive?

Hi! The situation happened back in October 2024 and we are almost at October 2026 so almost 2 years!

For the most part I started to move on but there sometimes I get memories of it randomly or I get really sad. I think I have moved on but not totally forgiven and I’m still hyperviligiant. For example, I check his devices here and there and get worried when he’s gone for a while in the restroom. Even random things I didn’t notice before the whole situation stick out to me.

My sister visited and she mentioned her shirt was
kinda big and I could see her bra but I’m not sure for her protection or because I don’t trust him fully, I asked her if she wanted to wear a sweater and she’s like okay and I felt relief. Also our housemate moved out and we are thinking of getting a male housemates because I can’t bare the thought of another women because I get scared what if he’s checking her out, or what weird things happen. (Not the girls fault ofc) but it’s like I can’t do well in our relationship when other women are involved because I start thinking bad things that he is maybe doing. Is it normal? Will I ever feel completely safe or will have doubts forever ? I don’t want to feel this way and stay in a relationship.