26M feeling beat down in my relationship with my 25F wife

my wife and I have been married for 2 years and have been together for 5. When we first got together she was just getting out of a 6 year relationship with a extremely obese (this will matter later) man who cheated on her. When we first got together I would regularly go to the gym and over time, as we started to grow, she made comments about me not liking going to the gym. At first i thought this was because her last partner just didn’t go and I understood change can be hard. But this started to become “I don’t like when you go to the gym because the way other woman dress and I dont want you seeing that, and “I don’t like when you go out with your friends because other woman might approach you”, and we both sat down and talked about this. The gym thing died down over awhile and we came to the conclusion we wouldn’t go to bars without one another present. Which I’m okay with because I’m a little insecure myself.

She would check how many people I followed on instagram and ask me why the number increased and who I followed. And I’ll admit I followed female models that she didn’t like so I removed them as she found them, but then this turned into her not liking me following people I went to school with or people I knew in person.

But over the last 2 years I’ve hired a bodybuilding coach and have gotten into semi decent shape. 5’10” 205 lbs about 10-14% body fat. (Not allowed to add images) Since I’ve always been a fat/heavy guy I always wore oversized clothes or sweatshirts, clothes I’ve had since high-school. Recently, since I’ve gotten into shape I have changed my wardrobe out and got tighter fitting clothes to match my body. Tank tops and cut offs, etc. Because of this my wife keeps telling me I’m solely looking for other female validation but I just want to be happy looking in the mirror.

I’ve gotten a sleeve tattoo that I’m adding to in the next coming month and now it’s “you’re trying to get attention and be someone you’re not”.

I’ve gotten a necklace that i thought look good on me and it’s “who are you trying to be”.

We went to a bar with her and some of her friends and I wore a tank top because it was 95 degrees outside and I thought I looked good. She told me “why are you trying to get attention from other woman” and “it looks like you’re looking for someone else”, even though I didn’t leave her side the entire night and her friends validated this feeling. If I was fat and out of shape I don’t think it would be perceived this way. This same night, I saw a personal trainer I used to see everyday at the gym, so I waved at her and said hi. She made a scene out of this with her friends and gave the woman a dirty look and other audible remarks. I was grilled for this for 1-2 days.

The final straw was today, I have been looking for a nice muscle car, because I’m finally in a financial position to get one and she immediately shut it down because “it will draw attention from other woman” and “I’m just fishing for attention”. In this same conversation she went on to say she “doesn’t like what I’ve become” and I feel beat down because I’ve never been happy with myself and when I finally feel like I’m getting there. She also said “when we went to the bar over the weekend you wore those clothes for attention” but it was a tank top and jeans in 94 degree weather.

I work from home and my wife works 12 hour shifts as a nurse. The only time I get to socialize is when I’m at the gym (and I wear headphones so this is normally never unless I’m telling the front desk to have a good day) or when my wife comes home. I feel so isolated and I have constant anxiety about leaving my house and the clothes I wear or how I look because my wife will think I’m fishing for validation or I’m going to cheat.

I love my wife but I feel like I’m being beat down for trying to be happy with the way I look and other things.

I’m borderline depressed as this has been going on for months now. It’s always the same conversation of me asking her to please stop, she cries and apologizes and tells me she can’t live without me and that she loves me and then a week later it’s back to the same conversation.

It feels like I’m constantly being told that she doesn’t like the way I look now, the clothes I wear, my necklace, my tattoos, etc. but again this all feels like it’s only because I’ve gotten into shape. The only she seems to like at this point is my personality.

TLDR: 26M feeling lost and depressed as my 25F wife keeps telling me all the things she no longer likes about me.