How should I handle my anger isses that are in the making?

So far I can controll myself when I'm around others, I don't tend to lash out at people. I am 17, I have been rather isolated growing up. I am very awkward and strange and as a result I have often avoided people more and more to the point where my social skills still don't develop at an apropriate rate.

In my country's middleschool equivalent, I wasn't wronged by anyone but I felt wronged. Like everyone was within their rights acting the ways they did but I made mistakes I couldn't predict or understand emidietly and just suffered like crazy without being able to do anything about them. And then as always I sucked at communicating like a normal person so even if some of them are normal mistakes, I couldn't get past them as easily as others with like higher verbal and social intelligences. I just had to be reminded of my shame every day for like three years and always act like I always needed to get out of everyone's hair. Usually when I'm wrongfully disturbed, I use logic first to hush the emotions down. Shit builds up though. I was already extremely anxious and depressed already and my mistakes didn't help.

about a year ago I had enough with my anxieties and turned them into frustration with how I never seemed to turn into a functioning normal person. So I gave into my angers and said "fuck them", I must end up more successful to prove these people wrong. I will not bother them or show anger or hate because they aren't wrong, but I shouldn't feel like I'll always owe them things even when they're not around and I want to feel like I can gain peoples respect.

I've given school way more of my time and focus and I wish I would have grown this frontal lobe and done the same earlier but it is what it is. Business is good though, I think I have done a good job and I'll probably get good grades in the coming years.

Nowadays, it depends entirely on how I've slept, how hydrated I am etc, but I can get extremely irritaded by things. Sometimes it's the harsh sun, sometimes it's garbage or dishes lying around, sometimes it's that I haven't moved all day and sometimes I just get reminded and cannot stop focusing on my very anxious memories. It always leads to me getting shakingly mad. Often, especially around others, I keep it together and just wait untill I cool down although my mood sometimes surfaces slightly. But sometimes when I am alone, I throw things as hard as I can, I knock furniture over and I fuck my knuckles up on a stone wall.

When I get mad at like chess dot com or video games in general I tend to damage my computer or phone or alike. I hate it emidietly after but untill then I don't just want to get physical, I want to damage something that matters and that my dumb ass monkey brain can blame somewhat in the moment. If I were to punch like a pillow, I'd just feel silly and meaningless which only makes me more frustrated. In reality though I always want to assault a person. When I get irritated out of nowhere, my imagination get's very colourful with how my frail ass suddenly beats someone to a pulp and shocks everyone. Then I get dissapointed once I start imagening how on earth I'll escape the consequences this time. I don't want these imaginations to turn real, even verbally, they're just stupid. I don't want to harm or bother people or completely fuck my reputation over in one stupid stunt.

So, what should I do, how should I handle these emotions. If I became a perfect person without a care in the world then maybe my emotions would just dial down. But I don't trust that I'll never fuck up again. I am still just an isolated weirdo who sucks at getting friends. Still, even if I don't ever become a perfect person I would appreciate being slightly less of a fuck up but I don't really see how.