Loss of my life

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my soul cat, my sweet boy, Louie. He was only 9 years old and I really thought we would have more time together. We had a bit of a scare at the beginning of June as he was vomiting blood. Took him to the vet and he really seemed to be better if not completely normal the past month. I remember being so happy and relieved that he was himself again. Then randomly this past Friday afternoon, he back right leg looked like it may be in pain as he looked to be limping and sometimes dragging the paw. I kept an eye on him all day as did my boyfriend. There was only a two hour gap between us not being home and I found pee on the bed. I figured maybe it was Louie and he couldn’t jump down at first and got freaked out and peed. Later on that night he jumped off of his chair and began having a seizure which was without a doubt the scariest and most traumatic thing I’ve seen. I’m not sure what I would have done if my boyfriend wasn’t there.

We took him to the emergency vet hospital where I stayed with him for 9 hours. He experienced 3 more seizures. The options I was given were not ideal for Louie or for me. It would mean multiple trips to the vet, or out of town for tests and costing thousands of dollars more than likely just to give me the answer of Louie wasn’t going to get better and I would have still had to make the hardest decision of my life.

I brought him home one last time for an hour to just be there with us and his brothers before bringing him into my family vet to eventually have him pass away. I got to give him some treats (he was obsessed with treats and food) before and had him in my arms as he left.

I’m the most sad I’ve ever been in my life. I can’t stop crying. I had been awake for probably 30 hours until last night. It’s so unfair. He was only 9 and I wanted more time with him. He didn’t deserve such a short life, but I hope I gave him the best life. He loved me so much and I hope he could feel how much I loved him.

Please let me know what I can do to keep going on. I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself and he’s only been gone a little over 24 hours. All I want to do is sleep to forget about the pain. I just keep thinking of my sweet boy Louie.