AIO - Bf lied to me because I get jealous.

I need to start this by saying upfront that I am a jealous person. I told my boyfriend this when we first got together and I honestly do my best to keep it in check. Also, sorry for the long post.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We have a 1 year old daughter together and also my two kids from my last relationship. A few weeks ago he mentioned that while getting our daughter out of the car he heard someone call his name and it was an old friends ex (I’ll call her B). I don’t think he’s even spoken to this old friend of his in nearly 10 years. Anyway, they got talking and it turns out B had a daughter with his old friend and her daughter and our daughter have the same name. They mentioned taking them to the park together at some point and she carried on walking. After this, they started talking on messenger.

One evening, me and bf were arguing. Things have been pretty rocky for us recently. I said he was being nasty and his response was that B was raped by her dad for most of her childhood and her ex (his old friend) was horrible to her. He’d tell her he was going to find her dad and let him know where she was, he threw things at her. All kinds of things. His point from this was that if I think he’s nasty, just look at what B has been through. I replied that while that is absolutely horrific, she has nothing to do with this argument so why is he telling me this? We got over it and moved on.

I was on his phone a few days later because something didn’t feel right to me (we both go on each others phones, I don’t care when he’s on mine but he’s always been unhappy if I go on his Infront of him. He says it makes him uncomfortable). I was reading their messages and noticed that none of the stuff he told me was on there. So I asked, when did she tell you all that stuff? And he said that he’d sent her his number, deleted it from their chat, was on the phone to her for what turned out to be a couple of hours and then he deleted it from his call logs. I was upset, why did he do that? He said he deleted it because he knows how jealous I get.

Well, about a week later I was on his messages again. Listening to voice notes between them both and I noticed on one message he mentions giving something to her. It was the middle of the night at this point. I listened to a few more messages from him, one said he’d have some free time next week so while the kids are at nursery, they can do something. I woke him up at this point and asked if he’d been meeting her. He said no, but she did come round our house one day. Queue huge argument. His excuse was the same, he knows I get jealous so he didn’t tell me.

We barely spoke for a few days after this. We tried to have a talk about it one night. A couple of days ago, she went to court against her dad for what he did to her. My bf started off by saying he’d block her and that would fix it. Then it turned into he can’t do that to her right now, not just before the court case. Then it turned into I’m making him choose between me and her and he can’t do that. Then it was he’s not blocking her, if she needs him then she needs him and I just need to get over my jealousy.

We’ve taken some time to calm down and now keep saying we will talk about it without getting mad at each other but that’s yet to happen. On Friday he said that B was posting something through the letterbox for him on her way past, but she never did. Not until after I’d left for work. Went on his phone again today and found out that she was on my street and saw me go into my house. She messaged him saying she’d just seen me, was it ok for her to post it? He said yes, it’s fine. He rang her 10 minutes later. I asked him why she didn’t just post it and he said he doesn’t know. I’m big and scary apparently.

Also just to add, his conversations with her are pretty deep and personal. I told him he’s made some kind of emotional connection to her and he admitted he has.

He’s blamed all of this on me being a jealous person. Does it actually seem like I’m just being jealous or am I right here that he’s way out of line? All of this has happened within 2-3 weeks. I feel like I’m going crazy.