People always assume I'm dumb

On top of being a fawner, I have a hard time expressing myself verbally. I attribute it to several years of isolation, possible brain damage from trauma, and of, course: My dysregulated nervous system.

Sometimes, it's like my brain just shortcircuits during interactions. My nervous system is triggered, seems to divert all its resources toward keeping me safe, leaving little capacity for cognitive functioning.

Fawn turns on, and I'm not able to express myself clearly. I come off as a ditzy airhead. Afterwards, I always replay those scenes in my head, and the shame spiral ensues. I want to shout from the rooftops: That person isn't me! It's a physiological response that I have no power over!

Most people who have ever interacted with me and haven't gotten to know me on a deeper level assume I'm a total dumbass.

Subconsciously they place me as low on the hierarchy, bottom of the barrel, and think they're justified in mistreating/mocking me.

I can't wait until I'm free of this curse