My (26f) sluttiest confession is when I was a (legal) teen I met up with a much older guy for sex and it was amazing

Growing up I always knew I had much ‘darker’ or at the very least more intense fantasies than most people would, I think. Coming from a very strict and conservative family, everything about sex was very shamed and taboo, and I think some of that manifested in my fantasies by imagining myself being ‘taken’ by an older men in a position of authority because in that way I didn’t have to feel guilty about it. I mean I definitely had normal sex fantasies too and was mostly interested in dating guys my age but not to lie mostly it was this fantasy that kept coming up and I would get off to it late at night and go to bed feeling really guilty about it.

I started chatting and flirting with guys online and eventually was talking to this guy who lived in my city, and one night I made the very reckless decision to meet up. I was still living with my family so had to sneak out after they went to bed… I’ve never told anyone in my life this, for obvious reasons - the taboo is so strong - but i have no regrets about it and it actually changed so much for me. I still remember seeing his cock for the first time, and being so amazed by how smooth it looked, being hypnotised both by the way it grew hard in front of me as he let me play with it and also the knowledge of how wrong it was bc he was way too old for me. I still think about it a lot and wonder if he ever thinks about me too..