Am I the a**hole for cutting of most of my family after my father’s funeral?

Firstly I’ll like to say that English is not my first language so please bear with me, I’m trying my best. And secondly this is a throw away account because my family is around here and I don’t need them to see.

So let’s get into it. I think I should start with the begging of the story and say that I (25 female) was never really liked by my family, from my father’s side. I was always the black sheep because I was a girl, the only one in my family to be exact. I grew up around men mostly, but I always noticed the difference between me and my brother (31 male), let’s call him Mark, and also my cousin (28 male) and I’ll call him Alex just so the story is easier to follow.

Most of my life I’ve been pushed aside like I was a mistake, honestly sometimes I did felt like I was. While everyone was proud of Mike and Alex and cheered them on, I was somewhere in the background never noticed. Not true actually my grandma from my mother’s side did, but she died when I was really young. So as I was saying , when my brother would skip school it was no problem, my aunt (Any) was a secretary and she made sure he was ok. I’m the only one that graduated highschool and now I’m studying to be a nurse. So even though I was left aside that mostly motivated me. Now imagine to find out that no one came to see you for days after your mother give birth to you, ain’t that insane ?

Now this story is not about that, and not about how I struggled my whole life to get my family’s approval, it’s about what happened when the only person that kept us somehow together passed. My father, me and him had a strange relationship. We never really had a big bond or anything, we just cared for one another in our own way. My dad, was like sunshine and he was proud of me, even when I failed he came help and I knew that no matter where in the world I was I could call and he would come save me.

I love my dad, and I always will. And when he died… well it was so dream like. It’s been 6 months and I.. still think it’s not true and he’s in one of his random trips to work in France, he loved that country so much, and he will call me and ask me how’s life, like he always did when he disappeared for a while.

I still remember myself running through snow to get to the hospital, waiting hours and hours to find even the smallest information about him. Sitting there with my brother, cousin, aunt and grandpa (Louis) and my mom, for what seemed to be an eternity. And the way the doctor called only my brother, and him… my dad laying there, yet still smiling. And a part of me thought it was a dumb prank.. it wasn’t. And I wish it was.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, we are somehow close and this is not about him that much, only in a way.

With my father truly gone, we had to be strong and mobilize, a funeral is a pretty big thing in my country, and expensive as a wedding. And my dad, had nothing .. only some clothes and his fabulous shoe collection. He lived in a small apartment, rented. So me and my brother talked and decided what to do. I asked my mom’s boyfriend for money, since I had not much, I work a 9 to 5. And my brother asked his boss, but we didn’t have enough so, we had a meeting.

Now this meeting went well. We all agreed upon who pays for what and if anyone wants their money back I’ll pay them, just I need to know. That wasn’t the problem, the weird stuff started when my grandpa, my dad’s father, pulled a stack of money, lots of money, showing it off and I honestly at first didn’t think about it, I was glad he could help us.

The funeral fell on me and my brother mostly. Three days of horror, no sleep, not being able to cry cause there’s papers we need to do, there’s things we need to do and get ready for. It was hell, and it was so cold, I was freezing in the winter. But I was doing my best cause my dad deserved it.

The true problem came when people found out where we are burying my dad. I couldn’t afford a place, the cemetery is so expensive so I requested one from our city hall. Only to be told that we can’t put him there, my cousin literally give me a panic attack saying we have to wrap my father in plastic cause there is water. So my brother got mad and revealed something, my grandparents had a burial vault.. already made, payed for. And they didn’t told us we could use it so we didn’t push but my cousin being my cousin he barged in and told them. They agreed, kinda. They started to say to everyone that wanted to listen that they did everything for the funeral. Once again, I didn’t care, I only wanted my dad to be able to rest.

Then at the funeral, when people were coming, my grandparents never introduced me nor my brother to anyone. Because sincerely I didn’t knew most of my family. God bless my mom for helping us through that and telling us who is who. I somehow understood the thing with me but why my brother ? He was their special one. Once again I said nothing. Yet, when the priest came, and the moment to close the casket was near, my grad parents, stood up and left randomly mid ceremony. I was speechless. It was their son. How can you do that ? Not to mention they pretty much ignored me the whole time, and I was trying to talk with them, they are old, I was worried truly for them. Now I don’t really care to be honest.

So the funeral passed, me and my brother got the funeral help we get in our country split it and paid back the money we owned. I didn’t get rich, neither did he. But my grandparents, aunt and cousin, seemed to think otherwise. So my mom.. not even me, gets a call from my grandma, to discuss why we didn’t split the money in 3. That being, me, my brother and my cousin. And as far as I know, my cousin ain’t my father’s son. And they stared to say that we scammed them cause we now have money. And that we didn’t even went to talk to them, nor noticed their pain nor cared. And I quote “you finally remember you have a dad only when it’s about money”. I was driving, nearly got in an accident while listened to that. And fun part, they didn’t know I was there listening. They said I’m just like my mom, that I’m a big b word and I’m dead to them, me and my brother. And I didn’t say anything else and ended the call there cause I had enough. Mind you my aunt calls MY MOM , not me, to say it’s unfair that me and my brother now are on + and they are on -, and that her poor parents give us the vault. And I got mad, and asked her, since she didn’t knew I was there it definitely took her by surprise. And I said quote “did they bury a dog there or their son ? Why are you all so mad about this and why is everything about money with you people?” I didnt give her time to answer and closed the call. She didn’t call back.

I cut ties with them all, not that I was close or anything, my brother didn’t. It’s his choice. And they still talk shit about me on a daily basis. I know because, my sister in law tell me things, yet she doesn’t like that my brother talks to them since they tried to break them apart. That’s a story for another time. I don’t talk with them, don’t say hi, I only once tried to, and they turned their back so, not trying anymore. My aunt texts me about their health issues, they are sick. And I don’t really care.. am I a bad human for it ? They let my dad live in a match box, a tiny space, never cared for him. He was good only when they could use him. They talked bad about him and apparently they said they are ok that he’s gone, I honestly don’t want to see them or be around them or hear anything. I just hope God gives them what He thinks best. I don’t wish them harm, nor hate them. I’m just so feed up I feel nothing.

So am I the asshole for cutting off most of my family after my dad’s funeral ?

I posted cause I needed to vent, and I would love advice. I’m not in my best mind space so please, be kind, and don’t be rude about my family either. As I said. I don’t hate them. I’m just numb. And hurt. So, if you want to insult them. Please don’t, let karma and God deal with them. And thank you for reading this long thing. And sorry again for any confusion in writing or misspelling.