Need some gender identity "advice"! Pls be kind

Helloo! I'm *really* confused about my gender and I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

For some context; I currently think of myself as a demiboy. I like masculine pronouns and if I picture the kind of person I'd like to be, I'd rather be a pretty or androgynous boy than a girl.

The thing that's confusing to me is that being a girl doesn't necessarily make me miserable, It feels fine, I like the attention and feeling pretty. But being a pretty boy feels exciting in a way that's rlly hard for me to describe.

I did try transitioning socially before, but tbh it went pretty badly.

I got a haircut that I absolutely hated, I felt really unattractive, my dad (and my mum, at times) started treating me differently, and people in general treated me differently too. I think I started associating "being a guy" with feeling ugly and rejected. Eventually I went back to presenting as a girl and let go the "he/him" pronouns.

Recently, though, while I playing Valorant someone assumed I was a guy. He used "he" for me and even jokingly flirted with me, and I was surprised by how much joy that brought me. It wasn’t just a little thrill, it really made my day.

Another thing I'm struggling with rn is that I'm scared of how people treat men. When I present more masculinely, I sense people are colder toward me. I know I'd miss some of the kindness and attention I get when people perceive me as female. That fear makes me question myself, but when I compare my ideal futures as a girl versus as a boy I always choose the boy.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually genderfluid because being a girl feels "fine," but then I keep coming back to wanting to be seen as a guy for some reason, just a feminine or androgynous one.

I'm scared it might be internalized misogyny, fetishizing or something as such.

Has anyone else experienced something like this(similar)? Did you mistake the fear of how you'd be treated for uncertainty about your gender or did you realize it really was about gender expression rather than identity???

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what my identity is, I'd just really like to hear from people who've had similar experiences to mine and not feel so alone.

Thx :)