Cosmological Thoughts

TLDR: my spirituallity is growing into something that is more like a logic package.. a discernment of autonomy promotion within religion.

My spirituality is growing into something more like agnostic belief of gnosticism and Judaism+ kabbalah. It's like I took everything from Taoism, Carl Jung, Wiccan, pagan, Judaism, Christianity, naive American, Muslim belief-- all of it. All the peaceful, autonomy promoting, and light bringing ideas I accept as maybes...

And didn't you know, there are actually scholarly websites that can tell you what came from ancient text and what was added?

Hint: most of what you read was added by someone. Paul did not even know Jesus. He wrote about himself later... We talked about him a lot as an apostle. He wasn't. He never met him.

I'm coming to understand the collective unconscious in a way I never did when I was prescribed to a specific belief. What you say, write, and create with intention affects everything around you ... even the very fabric of reality itself. Whosoever controls the narrative controls the people, because the people have been trained by them to follow and obey. What if that extends beyond this story??

Which is why Jesus didn't lead with a religion. He did not support it. He smashed tables in the temple. He supported a way of life, and he didn't believe in worship. He came to be an example. When asked "are you the son of God?" He said, "if thou sayest." To me, this says someone not claiming any authority. It's what I would say if I were in that position too.

Maybe he was The loud lion that is visible. He took all of the hate, and I believe he did it for Magdalene... Because they were a pair and they came to do their job together-- to help. Not to save. To help you save yourself and take you with them. The lion and the lamb. I was told they were one... But what if she was the lamb and they separated them? How cruel and sad. If the narration was fully scrapped (which we know it was when we read on Nicaea), they changed an entire cosmological logic to support themselves and feed their needs.

I have been trying to think what I would feel like if I was them, and I witnessed what became of the beliefs. I think I would be sad to see the worship. I think it would hurt my heart. In fact, I had a dream I met Jesus and he was weeping. I asked him why, and he said it hurt him that people worshipped a life that harmed him so. Then, his words were taken from him and misinterpreted, while his wife's face slashed and hidden. He even said they chose his name and it wasn't the one he chose himself.

It was a profound dream that made me think.

I think I believe in multiple lives. The original Jewish belief was that we are all in a centrifuge, refining at different rates. Everyone can take their time. No eternal punishment. Just time and containment.

That's my afterlife. Scaffolding in a centrifuge until you're ready to support each other's autonomy. And if you're not, back into the centrifuge (Earth) you go, to learn what you need to learn. Slow, forward progression with containment for harm. Supporting the self. Supporting and integrating the shadow. Supporting and integrating higher consciousness, future selves, and past lives. Maybe the idea of Jesus was that he and Mary should have been first, but the world wasn't ready... So they killed him. Not as an equation... But a mistake that they tried to cover up at the counsel of Nicaea, which reset the narrative and stuck us in a loop that repeats until those two souls find each other.

It makes more sense to me than anything else-- if I'm being cosmological -- while I'm just posturing as an agnostic person looking into the logic of this story.

I don't know because I wasn't there, but if it makes me a heretic to think this way, then so be it. Jesus was a heretic once too. Now you all worship him. 🤷‍♀️

Food for thought. As above, so below= alignment in chaos theory + a strange attractor at the heart.