I’ve given up on trying to figure out if my real event is unforgivable or not

I’m not sure if this is the right way to go about it. Because I used to try to ruminate to see if my real event was too awful or if it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but it feels useless. Because every single real event my OCD has fixated on has always been randomly selected. It feels impossible in the moment to know if I genuinely did something unforgivable.

But at the same time, I’m at a place where I’m going into life assuming what I did was unforgivable. Which is kinda freaking me out. Now my brain is telling me I might as well give up and never do anything with my life because my life is over anyway.