Married Muslim man, who is a secret gay and posts nudes of himself online in secret.

I'm a 30 year old Muslim guy who is a closet gay. I come from a very strict Muslim family. A very orthodox Sunni family. This means the thought of even speaking to a gay person is unfathomable and is supposed to trigger a disgust and wretched response to the gay community. We're taught from a young age what happened to the people of prophet LUT. And how god sent down his angels to destroy that village of gay people. This ingraines a level of hostility toward the gay community from a young age. That's why what I'm about to confess is probably the worst thing short of having sexual intercourse with another man I could do as a Muslim man. Especially a married Muslim.

I had an arranged marriage seven years ago and while I care for my wife I've never really felt that intense love for her you read or hear about. To be honest I'm probably bisexual but recently I've been struggling to be sexually aroused by her and by the general female body. I think p*** has done this to me. Or at least I want to blame it on p*** for the way I'm feeling. I've never been with the man before, no have I ever came across one in real life that I would want to sexually be with. So you're probably thinking well how do you know you're gay? Well about a year and a half into my arranged marriage I was introduced to Reddit and this opened my eyes to the various different adult communities across the world. Whilst I traditionally used to just enjoy lesbian p*** I found myself scrolling through communities and staring longer and longer at feminine men. I quickly found myself being sexually aroused by them. And ever since then, I haven't been able to stop myself from thinking about feminine men whilst having intercourse with my wife. In fact thinking about these feminine men is turning me on right now. I've been masturbating and messaging are the random men online for years and have never been caught. Perhaps this is a true confession that someone I know will read and know the true monster that I am and the true monster I hide from everyone.

I'm very close to sleeping with another man and cheating and ruining my marriage with my honest to goodness wife. It's so easy for gay men to have no string attached sex these days. Especially in London where I live. And no one would ever know apart from me the guy I'm f****** and God. I don't know when it will happen but if I continue on the path that I'm on it Will happen.