Context: Through a textbook definition: I would be a considered "mestiza woman" who was born in the US, to 2 mexican parents.  Im also white passing and pale.

I grew up with the spanish language as my first language, and mexican culture, especially because of  my  father's efforts. Hell, I couldn't even read in english until I was in 3rd grade. 

We are from Durango originally. (Canatlan, Inde, Nicolas Bravo Pueblo) 

Father's side moved to Ciudad Juarez in the 40s for Factory Jobs.

 Both sides moved to the US in the 1980s. As you can tell my DNA summarized is:

45% Indigenous Mexican

29% Iberian European

10% Jewish

9% African

7% Other European.

Sometimes I wish I were stateless and cultureless. I know being truly cultureless is practically impossible, but I sometimes feel like it would be easier than constantly wondering where I belong. If I didn't have a nation or culture to claim, maybe I wouldn't feel like I was failing to fit into one.

Honestly, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. An Indigenous person could point to their tribe and say, "I belong there." A French person could point to France and say, "I belong here." But I can't do that.

And you might say it's the classic "Chicana experience," but most Chicanos are brown, so I don't feel like I belong there either. I look like a colonizer in my "own" spaces.

I can't point to any group of people and call them, "My people."

I feel like I don't belong to anybody.

Is it weird that I wish I was Stateless and Cultureless. (Even if being cultureless is practically impossible.)