Im planning on killing myself tonight

I dont know who I am anymore. I hurt someone I really love, really badly. In an awful situation. I was selfish and jealous and now they dont trust me. My everything and future is gone. I can never forgive myself for what I did. It was so horrible of me and now im the reason they’re depressed.

I want to be better, i want to be fixed but I can’t help but think it’d just be better if I was dead. Everything would be calm, no one would struggle anymore. I hurt everyone around me just because i’m ill, I need to show im sorry by ending their suffering.

I dont know why im posting this. maybe im looking for attention or comfort or for someone to tell me im not the one in the wrong even though i am.