I miss you, wait, more than “miss” tbh

No matter what I do I cannot shake the urge to message you and just check up on you, find out what’s going on in your life and if anything new has popped up in and around your life. then I come back to the reality that you hate me and I fucked up “us“.

I know it means nothing and I know it’s of but many words that will come out my mouth that you don’t give a shit to hear or acknowledge because you want to pretend i never existed and we never happened.

but I’m so so so sorry, for all the pain and suffering I’ve caused you by you loving me. I know there is too many things you don’t want to talk about that I did and made you feel and ways I disrespected you. but I am so sorry, so many of them I was not me i was 24/7 inebriated and/or high as hell on heavy drugs, which is not an excuse, but you know how we feel about that And what we think about that. Nevertheless. I am extremely extremely sorry and eternally grateful that I got to love you.

I did take it for granted and I wasted something really beautiful and special through overthinking which turned into harassment which led to you not feeling safe around me, and that our relationship was not worth it anymore if this was how you would be treated, I royally fucked up. Imma miss you. I love you till the end of time and beyond. I wish the best, please be safe ♾️

- B