No one likes me; I'm ugly and weird and don't deserve life

I am 18 female. I hate every single thing about my existence. I am the most ugliest woman I have ever seen, and I am not exaggerating. Every time I go Infront of the mirror, I feel the need to smash my face down. Pull my hair. Chop my nose off. Strangle myself. I don't hate anyone as much as I hate myself. I obsess about about hurting myself, because how can anyone as ugly as me ever deserve life.

It's not only about my looks. I'm just a weird autistic sex-addicted bitch. I don't understand social cues, give people bad vibes, etc etc like honestly I deserved all the abuse my father did because I'm despicable and ugly and weird and disgusting and god why was I even born in the first place.

I wish I could afford plastic surgery. I really do. I wish I could loan the funds from somewhere at least, and pay for it for the rest of my life. Heck, if I was more religious I would've probably sold my soul to the devil or something just to change how I look.

When I was younger, I believed in magick with a k, I thought magick would be my way to look better. Who knows, maybe that'll change some of my much despised features. I was so fucking stupid and naive, god, why didn't I die of Dengue when I had it.

TLDR; wish I ceased to exist sooner, before I became so ugly and weird