Di I still deserve tomorrow?

I need prayers, and maybe some advice.

I, 30+ F, a very jolly, optimistic person and vocal about my faith and beliefs. I am the person whom people go to for prayer and advice, but now I don't recognize who I am anymore; maybe someone can only take so much.

My life is way out of the ordinary ones. My marriage and family life is okay, but my health is a waaaay different story, and it has messed up everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in my family now. My husband and I work diligently to keep up with life's demands, but the past two years have had us chasing non-stop to keep me alive and to keep up in life. We're both barely making it.

Both sides of our family have helped us as much as they can, to the point they also already got in debt, govt assistance is not enough, our insurance has been maxxed out, our income isn't enough, we are buried in debt so deep I can barely gasp air day and night. I pray to get through this, but above all, I pray not to involve anyone anymore in the battle and suffering I'm going through. So many people have been trying to fight for me; I am truly grateful, really. But I am not okay. I am SO TIRED dealing with pain, debt, and guilt.

Recently, I saw myself randomly having panic attacks, randomly sobbing, not wanting to talk deal with anyone. I have no appetite to eat; I have no energy and will to deal with my kids and husband anymore. I am just on auto-pilot, trying to earn to help pay all our debts because we are facing possible multiple lawsuits, public humiliation, daily threats; we have been homeless for half a year now, and we had to close down the business that we poured so much time and heart into. Even though I say and believe that the Lord has a plan for us, I am just at my wits' end.

I used to say my kids and husband kept me alive, but now I am completely convinced that they are better off without me. Maybe if I just "go" my insurance will be able to cover the debts. Before, it held me back thinking of all the people that worked together to keep me alive. It would've been a shame to disappoint them and put all their hard work into nothing, but now, it's not that I do not care; I just do not want to be a burden anymore. I don't want to wake up with so many messages about debts. I don't want to choose between food and shelter or medications and hospitalization.

The only one that is holding me back is that if I go on my own terms, I may not meet my Father in Heaven. But, maybe, just maybe, He would understand. I couldn't live like this anymore. Please pray for me, or help me convince myself I still deserve to see tomorrow.