am i okay?

icant do it anymore. my brain is tormenting me with all these thoughts, i dont think im on the verge of suicide but this self doubt is eating me away, and it feels like a stupid reason to be like this, fearing that people will harshly criticize me.. so heres my problems

warning: really long paragraph

so, ive been having thoughts of fictional characters that are quite unusual, (sexual, fetish or disturbing) and it just randomly happens, like in the sense of like, i get REALLY OBSESSED with a random ass character but its not really like the average obsession.. its like, after some time of liking a character in general, i keep having these disgusting thoughts and its like to the point like "i cant even look at a picture or a slight reference of that character anymore" and everytime that character shows up on my feed, i get really distressed and immediately scroll away. sometimes i go back to check it again because i panic so hard and i hyperanalyze the posters account (for some reason)... these obsessions make me lose passion to play/watch the show/game theyre from, and it has happened with several characters, i just want to like characters normally and cherish them without no problem... i cant even act normal or feel normal when i see something that i dont know if its related to the character/game or that i think it could be, and i feel so hyperalert online checking stuff if its actually relating to like anything about them..

Ive gone to a therapist and they have not been any use and i dont know if its like a rare type of OCD..? i dont want to selfdiagnose but man.. i feel so goddamn numb nowadays with my mind torture being so goddamn anxious all the time on the internet, it feels soooo stupiddf....

any advice plss ik this might be a pretty bad option but i actually want to see if any people relate to what im feeling i just want this to end.... its my last choice.. I feel like my problems should be underestimated because i dont feel that suicidal and in a mental health crisis and ik that others have it worse.. am i bad for thinking differently from others..? Im prob not gonna look at this post ever again because it feels sooo embarrassing but im gonna listen to yalls opinions or advice .. c: ty in advance !!