I was hooking up with a friend and her older sister at the same time

I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm mostly the asshole in this story. I'm fully aware of that. I just don't really know what to do now. But first, a bit (okay, a lot) of context.

So it all started with me (M21) being in a volleyball club for years. And there's this girl (18), let's call her Jana. She asked me on Instagram for some pictures from my Tokyo trip. After that, we started texting on and off and also chatted a bit after practice. I wasn't interested in her like that though.

At some point, after training, she mentioned she had an older sister (20), let's call her Lilly. I jokingly said, without even having seen a picture of her, "ohhh, is she single?" But obviously, I didn't actually want anything from Lilly either. Still, me wanting something from Lilly became a running joke between me and Jana.

After one practice, I told Jana that I'd propose to Lilly if I ever saw her. And then Jana got picked up by Lilly after training and told her that I wanted to marry her. I wanted to sink into the ground because she said it without any context, but Lilly just replied: "You better make sure the ring isn't too small."

And then I more or less randomly ended up at their place on Valentine's Day. I thought I'd use the chance to do a fake proposal to Lilly with a cheap ring from a dollar store that I still had at home. She actually said yes.

From then on, things were pretty normal between us for two or three weeks. I hung out with Jana a lot and was often at their place. But at some point, things started getting a bit more touchy between me and Jana. At some point, it even turned into lowkey hand holding on the couch. But then I also noticed that Lilly started getting closer to me too whenever I was over, just slightly, but still a bit unusual.

After the physical contact with Jana increased, it eventually turned into cuddling at a certain point. I don't even know who initiated it. Kind of came from both sides. But at that time, I still didn't really want anything from her. Around that time, Lilly also started getting closer, and I could tell from some glances and comments that they'd apparently agreed that Lilly should keep her distance from me. But she didn't.

Lilly also let me into her gym for free, which meant I spent more time with her too.

And now it gets really crazy. I reached a point where both of them were very physically close to me, but more separately from each other. That would've been the moment where I should've stopped it somehow, but it happened so gradually and I was just a bit overwhelmed by the situation.

Because I was at their place so often, I invited them over to mine. I have a sofa bed in the living room that I pulled out, and the three of us sat there watching nature documentaries. And I was totally perplexed. I sat in the middle and both of them kept getting closer from both sides, until they were literally both lying on my shoulders. I've never been so overwhelmed. How do you even address that? They came over so slowly. Did they even realize they were doing it at the same time? At some point Jana said, "I didn't know this was gonna be an orgy" and moved away. Lilly did too. I got up and went to the kitchen to get away from the couch. But I came back shortly after and they'd barely left any space, so I had to squeeze in, which in hindsight was my second biggest mistake. I should've sat on the floor. And then it got really awkward. I was lying on Jana's lap and she was kind of lightly running her fingers through my hair, and Lilly was sort of half-lying on me and we were holding hands. In that moment, I realized I was really in deep shit. But somehow the sisters didn't seem that bothered by it either, which I also found a bit weird. But eventually they had to go home.

The next day they came over again and they were way more distant, you could tell that Jana had told Lilly to keep more space. That same evening we drove to their place. You could really tell Jana wanted physical contact, holding hands, cuddling, and that Lilly had to stay away. I was at a point where I wasn't even sure if I wanted something from either of them. That was really not okay of me, but everything I'd gotten from both sides within just a few weeks was also really confusing.

A week later I was at their place again and Lilly couldn't really keep her distance, and you could see Jana was genuinely annoyed by it. In the end, the three of us were on the couch and both were kinda cuddling with me and I was holding hands with both of them. How do you get out of that? I eventually just went into another room at their place. But it took me a while to do that, long enough for it to get awkward again. Then I stayed away from their place for a longer while. I texted Jana a lot and went to the gym with Lilly often. And I realized this couldn't go on like this. So I decided to try things with Lilly and keep some distance from Jana. Lilly also told me she'd asked Jana what she'd think if she and I tried something, or something along those lines, she wouldn't tell me exactly what she asked Jana, and that Jana said it was okay. In hindsight, I'm really not sure if that wasn't just a lie. (Because spoiler alert: it was soooo not okay.)

I still texted Jana here and there, but I'd meet up with Lilly after her work shifts. We went on walks a lot, held hands, and after a few meetups, we had our first kiss. And that should've been a red flag, because Lilly was all giddy with feelings of guilt, and when Jana picked her up, she told Jana she'd been out with a female friend, not with me. Apparently, Jana even suspected in the car that Lilly was out with me, followed by the words: "No, you wouldn't do that." But by then I was already in the middle of it and had no idea whether I should stop things with Lilly or tell Jana or both. I decided to keep trying with Lilly and thought her sister would tell her eventually, that was my last big mistake. We met up a few more times, had a few more kisses, but nothing more. Then I realized we didn't really click personality-wise and pulled back from Lilly, though I probably should've made that clearer to her.

At some point, I wanted to ask Jana something and saw that I was blocked everywhere. I put two and two together and realized Lilly must've told Jana what happened. I tried to talk to Jana, but she really wasn't up for it. We had a three-day beachvolleyball/fun tournament thing together two weeks later, and it was full of mood swings. She went from not being able to look at me, to making jokes with me, to insulting me, to being nice again, just constant ups and downs. I didn't know what to do anymore. I just wanted to clear things up with her. So I gave her a sincere apology and a letter where I explained my side a bit, since I could never talk to her about it because I was blocked, and apologized. She thought about it for two whole days and then said she couldn't talk to me again because she was genuinely afraid of getting hurt like that again and that people don't change. She wrote that to me on Discord, the last place I wasn't blocked. I couldn't really convince her that I'd changed(how does one even do that?), and I didn't want to force her to discuss it with me. She said she'd closed that chapter and was done with me. She forgave me, but she can't have anything to do with me anymore. At least we could talk normally again in real life at that point of time.

But now another week or two have passed with no contact, and she's back to full mood swings. I think she does miss me, but she's just really hurt.

Apparently, she told one of my friends a half-true version of what happened, and he, without me even asking, said that everyone makes mistakes and she should give me a second chance. And according to him, she just stared into space for five minutes with a sad look and then simply said: "I don't know, probably not." Then she apparently said again that she'd closed that chapter, but from the outside, it doesn't really seem that way.

I don't know if this is true (I don't think so), but apparently the sisters weren't even mad at each other, they just decided I'm an asshole and needed to be canceled by both of them. But the older sister didn't cancel me(still on close friends on instagram and she could talk with me normaly), but I also heard from elsewhere that they actually did have some argument. But by now, Jana seems to have forgiven Lilly. They are sisters after all.

So that's the context.

Now my question: I would really like to just be normal friends with Jana. Things with her sister and me are fine, but I've kept my distance ever since Jana blocked me. Is there anything I can do, or have I irreversibly messed this up? Should I just stay away? She doesn't seem entirely sure yet whether she wants to have anything to do with me again. I wouldn't want to be fully friends with her again right away(it was also a lot to handle for me), but maybe just start slowly and text here and there. But I also get that to her, I'm basically the ultimate asshole. Should I just let go? Can i do something about that? She grew really into my heart over time.