Incompetent Cervix

I lost my daughter at 21 weeks due to incompetent cervix. First of all it’s a terrible name as it sounds like it’s the woman’s fault. It was my first pregnancy and it was a magical journey until week 20. She is the first grand child on both parents side.

I joined r/shortcervixsupport but I can’t help but be bitter. I’ll read posts about women getting a cerclage because their cervix measured short at their check up. In my case I was reassured at my anatomy scan that everything looked great. It turns out they never checked my cervix. I ended up having symptoms (heavy discharge which was my mucous plug coming loose) just four days after. Why didn’t the clinic check my cervix? Why couldn’t I try the emergency cerclage? Why didn’t my baby get saved?

Once I’m at the hospital I got two ultrasounds. They were a lot more detailed than the one I got at my original OB. I felt so defeated seeing my daughter happily yawning and scratching her face when I knew deep down I would not take her home with me.

I go into labor for 20 hours. During that time I hear babies crying in the room next to me and families celebrating. It was traumatic. My baby was so small and she never cried.

Once I’m holding my dead baby, the doctors reassures me about all the extra observations I would get on my next pregnancy. I couldn’t even think about another baby. Why couldn’t I have been monitored more closely from the beginning? Why did my daughter have to die in my arms before I’m taken care of? I’m a geriatric mom and we couldn’t conceive quickly. She was supposed to be my miracle baby. I’ll never enjoy a pregnancy again because now I know how fragile pregnancy is.

I titled this incompetent cervix because I feel there will be more moms like me and they will stay up until 2 in the morning like me searching Reddit posts. Healthcare in the US leaves a lot to be desired.