Is it possible to recconect with an ex who betrayed and lied to you?

So this might be a long post. This happened 2 days ago and I’m spiraling. Looking for hope, loopholes etc. I just want some advice from people who have been through it.

So me and my now ex have been together from 16-20, we have had the most beautiful relationship. An insane connection and chemistry. Always laughing and happy and our conflict resolution was great. We always came back from problems stronger because we could talk about it honestly and change things. It was always us vs the problem. Throughout the early days we had a couple of breaks up that didn’t last long. Mostly about porn as I was insecure and he was lustful.
Eventually we agreed if he could watch it so could i but I wanted him to be honest. He swore he wouldnt do it and i had no reason to not believe him.

Anyway, without giving too much information away he moved away from work for 12 months, about 3 months ago. He made friends with new people from his work group and he is housemates with one of them.

First month is great, we’re communicating and small problems are obviously coming up as it is a big change but we are communicating well and finding solutions. But hes telling me about the problems his housemate is having with his gf of 3 years and i tell him I found it weird his housemate spoke like that to practically strangers about his gf. But i move on as I thought my bf would never do that.

Then we start havinf arguments, which is unlike us. Hes defensive, flips my words, refuses to take any accountability and i just keep trying but i start getting paranoid.

One day weekend we got into it really bad. I had a gut feeling that he was telling his friends about our problems because i couldn’t understand why else he would act so differently. So i told him that, at first he said he didn’t, then he opened up and said that he needed someone to talk to, but there was no details, only that he felt under appreciated by me. I was hurt as I had told no one, but understood and said ok as long as there was no details.
But I became paranoid, I remember telling him straight up “your friends are talking shit about me” and he said to me that they dont care and want us to fix things because we have history.

Fast forward to 2 days ago, i see he has a VPN and instantly my mind went to porn, and he starts lying, first he says its nothing, then “why are you asking so many questions?” When i only asked 1 question. Then he admits hes been watching it. So we have a short conversation about lying and how he knows i hate it. Then we somehow go on his phone and i see a screenshot of picture of a girl with a lot of cleavage. I ask him who it is and he said his ex, the one he dated for a month when he was 14.

At that point my heart is racing and i ask him why he has that. He doesnt follow her or has spoken about her. He said he showed his friends from back home and from work. So i go on his phone and i see it. On Thursday, the same week he told me he wanted to give it his all again, he had sent the picture to his friend talking about how big her breasts are. His friend then encouraged him to break up with me. My then bf says “what if i just liked her story🤔” and his friend says “stop window shopping and get rid of the current(me)” then proceeds to encourage him to message her, and have some confidence, and that nothing bad will come off it. My then bf replies with “i would if she posted herself, but its just a bunch of bullshit, and we ended horribly” then his friend is again encouraging him and says “stop window shopping and get rid of the current giving you a hard time” then the convo ends.

I go on another chat, dating back to the day before my birthday and long after he told me he wasn’t sharing our problems with his friends. Context is, we had a discussion about him wanting to sleep 14-15 hours when i spend the day at his and me wanting him to sleep less than that so we spend more time together. Anyway, the chat is his friends talking shit about me, about how i dont have a job, how im unemployed and have no aspirations, just making a joke out of me. It was the most horrible things I have seen from people who at the time have never even exchanged a word with me. The whole time, my ex had known for weeks that I had a job in my dream career lined up from September, and he didn’t defend me once in that chat log. It was just them absolutely making a joke out of me. He said he defended me in person but why not in the messages too. He continued to be best friends with these guys, i met them a week later and one of them had the cheek to ask about my job.

What I think went through his head

He has always wanted a big friendship group, thats something he expressed to me. Although it lead him to becoming friends with people that were less than desirable and added nothing to his life and weren’t encouraging him to be better. I think this want became more like desperation. He saw his friends doing something, so to fit in, he became comfortable sharing our personal issues with them which then skewed the way he saw me. Leading to him believing im just wrong and starting issues. I want to stress this is something he would have never done before. I was the light of his eyes and i felt like it too. As for him saying he would message his ex, i honestly think he wanted to brag he had a hot ex, which is so embarrassing. But i dont believe he messaged her, although who knows how much more encouraging it wouldve taken.

Im battling so much with the person i know he was. And how 2-3 people were able to change him into a completely different person in 3 months.
Any words of wisdom?