Feeling lost and no idea what to do

I just joined this community and I’m seeking for advice on just how to grow and improve myself from my mistakes and thoughts. I graduated last year from hs and honestly I’ve just been fucking up and everything has been getting worse. I tried going to the gym for a while but I can’t stay motivated dude. I started college but sometimes I just think what’s the point? The road is so long and stressful and overwhelming. I have a terrible porn addiction ever since Covid and I js feel so disgusting thinking abt it but it’s become such an ugly disgusting habit that feels like a disease. I fell in love recently with a girl I was talking to on the low and it didn’t work because we have so many mutual friends we hid it from all of them, I’ve been missing her so much lately but I ended up fucking up at a get together, I got drunk that day and was js being so messy with her and resulted in making her uncomfortable, I wanted to just talk about how I felt but I was being so stupid and I ended up realizing what I was doing and is distanced myself. We talked about it we are still cool just strictly friends but it’s eating me up so bad i can’t sleep I can’t eat. I don’t know how I can recover from this feeling? Will I ever? Can I even be forgiven for it. My friends got mad at me and said all I do is cause problems. I try not to I genuinely don’t think I do it’s just this one mistake that I’ve had.
I’m there for every single one of them when they need to rant or talk. I check up on all of them. But I don’t get the same thing back. I feel really lonely. I just needed to rant about how I feel and how I fucked up. atp I feel like I don’t need to be told everything is ok, js to fix my shit, I have so much more to say, I have no one to talk to as it feels. Everytime I try to mention being sad to my parents they laugh, call me weak, call me gay, and tell me to get over myself that I have everything I could ever want. I’m so thankful for them and everything they do but just damn dude why can’t they listen to me.