WIBTA for not going to my brother's wedding and sending a letter because he won't that no for answer?

WIBTA I (36 F) really need some help explaining to my brother we'll call him James (35 M) that my husband Hue and I can not come to his wedding that is now in May of 2027 to his fiance Lilly this is the 4th time they've had to change the date for many reasons and it's been a few years of this. It's feeling more like a demand then a invitation at this point. James and I have a rocky relationship over the years, living away from each other and playing DND online has helped a lot. Note:I'm dyslexic, doing my best. I'm using fake names, and need to get this out. For background: Our family is dysfunctional at the best of times blame it on the unhealthy ways we communicate, stars signs, or whatever. I'm NC with Dad's side of the family for over 20 years so that's normal or it should be after all this time and Mom since 2023 and we'll get into that with the letter the grandparents I will be talking about are Mom's parents. Now I want to say above all else I want to be there for James. I won't be able to handle our family. I want to put this down so when he asks again I can just send it to until he stops or we go NC as well. And this is just mine and James' family and not going to put in a lot about Hue's family not my story to tell. Plus we have the understanding you're family you handle them outside of the little things like birthdays, DND, etc. I'm putting in a lot of exposition in hopes that seeing it in a timeline will show James how my life is going and why a wedding or anything out of state isn't possible for us to come. Hue and I both have been through the ringer thankfully Hue has a really good job and I work when I can find part time work so we're comfortable and this is just what's been going on event wise since we made our home on the west coast and James lives in the North Eastern part of the US. The letter so far: I would like you to remember that we have lived very different lives since we both left home state and this isn't all of it I moved to my state in 2015 and I was fine for the most part once I got my footing we got a ferret Little man in life was chill for awhile. Early 2018 moved in and living with Mike (Hue's Bro) wasn't always easy and I'll own my part in that but this has been my life for almost 10 years. Before you start I'm not trying to say who has had it harder I know you got screwed over a lot more then even I did and if it wasn't for Hue I don't know where I'd be today. We've made our lives better for us and of course there's more to it than that. He's so strong and does so much I don't know how he does it. I do my part as well we're a team truly, this is where I'd like to share a time line of what's been going on: 2019: Hue got into a car accident (Mike's car) witch was so scary thankfully Hue was able to walk away with the elbow injury and Mike had walked away with some cuts and bruises, and then we had to move for many reasons, and with moving I had to quit my job, and Hue got money from the accident part of that he got a new car and paid for it out right. 2020: we found a place to live 2 weeks later everything flipped for everyone, Hue asked me to marry him that was a wonderful day. And we got cat 1 joy 2021: Hue and I eloped it was done at the courthouse much to everyone trying to put their own two sense on it we said no we did what was best at the time. Mom was also trying to come get me during the big fires at the time I still don't get why she was so hell bent on that one. 2022: we got covid thankfully we were able to stay home. and I got the job with party store 2023: mom and I went NC over Grandma doxing us to people in her church now her thoughts were in the right place for her, but she never asked if we were alright with it and wasn't respecting the fact that Hue isn't religious so getting random things in the mail wasn't something we were okay with and mom took it too far. Little man was on end of life care all of this time 2024: we lost little man, we got love bug cat 2 so joy wouldn't miss little man too much, and joy got a tooth infection to the point she wasn't eating, and finding out I was going to lose my job from a friend's mom who was watching the news and was making sure I was okay truly that was nice of her since no one from work told us unless you were working that day, and thankfully joy better after a vet visit and meds 2025: I lost my job I couldn't get a new one lined up. Hue got his dream car with him trading in his other car yes this was talked about before he did anything I personally don't care what he drives as long as he's happy plus he does so much for me, then love bug got F.I.P. she almost died and found out about the apartment complex was going to be sold off, i got a seasonal job and we tried to move but the manufacturered home we loved had a massive foundation problem and wood rot and no way we're we getting into that mess. 2026: Love bug made a full recovery. I was let go from that seasonal job, I had the worst eczema flare up of my life partly do to stress and the odd weather we've had so far, Hue's car is having transmission trouble and that's getting fixed in this month he's not happy at all but there fixing it for free at the dealership as they should, the apartment complex got sold and new management is acting shady, so we need to find a new place to move to by March of next year, I fell down the stairs not even a month ago and we are paying medical bills on top of everything, and the year isn't over yet. This doesn't include when Grandpa (2018) Grandma (2024) passed away, also the stuff Hue's mom was going through and Hue had to help her manage things and that something he's always done is help take care of her so yeah it comes and goes with Martha, and other things from his side of the family going on at the same time. There was other happy things going on at this time too; not every thing was horrible just trying to stay above water more often then not. There's also friends of ours their married who we help move up here to get them set up living on their own that's even more drama and It doesn't help they keep trying to make us deal with their problems or a least that's what it feels like at times we do love them and want what's best for everyone. Just feels like we keep getting kicked in the teeth and need a break from life on hard mode. I know I've told you a lot of this already trying to be nice about it. I need you to understand not coming to the wedding wasn't an easy choice we made lightly when you pushed and prodded, it made me snap and I yelled at you the other day for that I am sorry. It's hard to keep telling you no over, over, and over again but it's really hard to do things like leave even for a day trip we have the cats and that's something we take into consideration with other things the girls are important and will come first just like with Lilly's cats. We are able to do day to day easily, everything else is up in the air as far as life goes. It wasn't easy to cut off the family that are meant to love and stand by you, no it never is and isn't something I want to keep dwelling on I know you want us all together but Santa can't grant this wish and it may or may not seem like a big deal to you but our family is very toxic and I can't be around it anymore I've been putting in the work to be better and do better. I truly love you and want you to live a wonderful life but that doesn't mean I'm going to put myself and Hue in a bad situation even if you "think" it'll be fine. You were on that last call with Mom and you know she's not going to let that go any time soon. About Dad I know you think it should be water under the bridge by now and it would have if he would have given me some time and space early on after the divorce but no he'd use you to get me on the phone and other things I don't want to talk about it, because it'll be another fight I don't want to have. This isn't up to anyone else but our parents and me. I also feel that you're wedding should only be about you and Lilly I very much appreciated you wanting us there but this is the way it has to be and no one is going to notice I'm there if they do tell them I'm unable to come that'll shut them down if they push tell them that it doesn't concern them and enjoy the wedding that is what this day is all about. You are starting a new family and there's going to be ups and downs you are going to have to face things with your wife you two are on the same team now please stand by her and up for her as I truly hope she does for you too. Remember it's you two vs the problem not against each other. End of letter so far. Thanks for reading and let me know if I need to add or delete things.