I dont know what should I do in life

My mind is foggy.

Everything up until now was a lie.

Never had real friends

Never had real lovers.

Tried to be a good person.

Failed.

Everything i hated I became.

I feel numb now.

But it seems there's something on me that makes me feel like im in a halfsleep state.

I can sit all day and do nothing. (This is not a flex, I wish i had a normal life. Its no privilege either)

I can sit and stare at walls all day.

Loneliness and isolation is eating me. There's a long time I live this way.

Im not a good person now and people have many reasons to despise me.

But in the past when I was just a boy trying to figure things out, no one had "mercy" or tried to really understand me. I was a outcast from the beginning

The problem was me. So when I was not "corrupted" they stepped on me for no reason. Now they have a reason.

At this point this dont even matters anymore. I feel so numb.

Also, I force myself to write about this. Because its easy vulnerabilities to take advantage. I learned the hard way thst nobody really cares.

And to be real, im starting to care less about everything.

But the lonelines still eats my Brain out...