Sorry for the pitty party

Hey everyone!

So far I've been positive and fighting the negative thoughts that have come along with this diagnosis. But I've been treatment resistant due to the interaction risk of other meds. This includes lack of access to decent pain medication.

I'm currently on no medication and waiting to start biologics due to other meds failing me/side effects including hair loss.

I've noticed a big change in my face....I don't recognise myself anymore when I look at the mirror and I'm convinced I need to divorce my husband so he is free of me. It's even gotten to the point where I've accused him of checking out other women....I don't understand why my brain is doing this to me and deep down I am not that person. It's like I'm hurting myself subconsciously?

I don't feel attractive, no libido whatsoever and even when I do put the effort in I look like an imposter plus riddled with agony.

I'm probably being dramatic but I'm struggling. I'm in pain from the second I wake up till i go to bed.

I can feel myself losing this battle and worried I'm going to end up bitter and twisted. I want and need for my husband to get his wife back.

I've written this whilst exhausted and numb. So I'm sorry for the messy ramble.