How to handle being alienated from violence survivorship as a trans man?

Hello there, I'm here just trying to get a few things off my chest before I go on discussing stuff with some people, and I'm looking for advice on how to handle similar situations. I realise this happens to many trans men and overall to transmasc people, so I hope someone can give me a heads-up on how to face it emotionally.

I've recently realised I (m25, started transitioning at 20) now pass well enough that people will automatically assume I know nothing about violence against women. This obviously comes with feeling like I'm being reduced to my manhood for determining my position about the patriarchy, and I feel it tends to overlook my experience as both a trans person, and a bisexual person who dates men regularly (which for me means I incur into abuse from other men as easily as any woman).

But really I get it, it's not my place to speak of violence against women, and I'd say it can even get validating at times, to be perceived as your average man to the point people forget intersectionality. However, it's needless to say that I've indeed had personal experiences with emotional, sexual and - indirectly - physical abuse, most of which fall into systematized violence against women, both domestic and "public"(?). I mean, I've lived 20 years of my life as one - I'd say, the most vulnerable phase of life, as a child/teen/young adult, and an unfulfilled trans kid at that. Even now, I don't really pass in the eyes of the average stranger, so to this day I occasionally get the typical treatment women get. Intersectional transmisogyny and transmisandry play a role in my life and probably always will, although transmisogynistic treatments will supposedly decrease into nothingness along my transition.

Naturally, being subjected to misogyny and sexual abuse as a trans man does shit for my dysphoria, and it puts me in a very vulnerable position. I'm no healthier nor less scarred than any other "survivor"*, and I have a certain relationship with sex that I would assume is very telling of my past experiences (unfortunately, it can also easily be mistaken for your average male libido, which plays into the problem). Being a trans man, it also tends to undermine my identity very easily in the eyes of the average transphobe.

So it's really hard for me to talk about it, and I don't really tell people about my experiences with sexual abuse. I can count on one hand the people in my life who know about a fraction of it. Hence I don't really expect people to assume I know anything. And yet it hurts to be alienated like that because I've actively been through that shit myself to this day, and it makes me feel like there's a place for me to talk about it in daily life. Hell, last time my friend jokingly commented about my "unfamiliarity with women's treatment", I had literally just got verbally sexually harassed on the street just a few hours before, _for my tits_.

Thing is, I've come to be a little bitter about it. Although it validates my gender, I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to people how my life was never just male privilege and how trans-related intersectionality *increases* statistics of misogyny and sexual abuse. Not to mention, violence against women is a huge field that includes virtually endless iterations of mistreatment, abuse, denied rights and dehumanization, but it would be blind to assume systematized violence is something only women experience - especially, that sexual abuse it unique to women. I understand we all like to see the world in categories and classifications, but it feels very insensitive to just assume men are clueless and suffer no sexual victimization, given the spectrum of positions in life. Men absolutely can suffer from misogynistic victimization. But even if we couldn't - or simply do not wish to apply the concept of violence against women to these dynamics - some reductions are just insensitive to parallel and adjacent experiences that are simply a part of our world regardless of who you are.

Aside from idealistic views, idk... I guess it hurts most because I'd think the signs are there. Putting my noticeable sexual traumas aside, I'm actually extremely wary about the safety of my girl friends, more so than even most women I know. Although I don't live my life with my guard up for myself, I might actually be OVERaware of certain dynamics and pretty protective when it comes to the people I love, and it shows daily. I notoriously consume (and, less notoriously, produce) media about violence against women both in the entertainment and the educational fields. Most of my favourite fictional characters are survivors, both men and women - especially the one that has most helped figure my gender out, whom I'm a pretty loud fan of. I try to be as supportive as possible when it comes to women's sexuality and I've been vocal about the victimization of women when it was needed.

When it comes to the small group of friends that I'm having the hardest time with, I've even tried more than once to kindly imply that I'm *not* and have never been safe from systemic misogyny and its violent iterations. It just seems they're kind of... clueless. I've recently opened up a little more with my best friend in this group after the last straw, and she reacted compassionately, but I feel like she didn't really _get it_, y'know? And it makes it harder to try and explain to other people in there - especially this other dude (gay cis male) that I'm dating who's had similar attitude towards me - cause I hate to feel vulnerable like that to begin with, let alone make myself vulnerable with people who might not understand.

So idk, I guess I'm just trying to find some support and hear from other people in my same position (I know there's plenty of us). I don't really know how to handle this emotionally.

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*I don't like to use this term for myself because my experiences are still less traumatic than those of many others, so I feel like I'd be appropriating the term and undermining heavier cases of abuse.