I feel defective and not dateable

A few months ago, a girl I really liked left me. Deep down, I felt it was my fault—that I lacked the personality of someone who is "fine with or without you," and that maybe I wasn't "manly" or detached enough. It made me feel inferior, and I started reading books about how "nice guys" carry a sense of shame and feel defective. I’ve been trying hard to overcome this, to be myself without being submissive or afraid of judgment.

But lately, every interaction with women feels like a trap where I am constantly judged and expected to fit a specific script.

For instance, a friend of a friend ("I") showed interest in me. I wasn’t really interested anyway, but later my friend told me "I" lost interest after a party because of how I acted. All I did was dance, goof around, and enjoy my night. It felt like showing genuine, unfiltered joy was somehow "unattractive."

Then I met "L". We weren't compatible (different lifestyles), and I wanted to end things early to avoid hurting anyone. She persuaded me to live in the moment and try anyway. I agreed because I like her a bit and people told me that I overthink too much about this stuff, but then she dumped me after a week because I wasn't "100% sure" about her. Fair enough. But recently, we crossed paths at an event. A friend of mine mentioned we got a bit drunk the previous weekend, and L texted me a paragraph calling me "immature for a 30-year-old" (saying only 18-22 year olds drink) and making up scenarios about me abandoning that girl friend who told her about friday. She is still blaming me for not being sure about her from day one, honestly the more we talk the more I can see we were not compatible.

People always say "nobody cares about what you do, everyone is focused on themselves." But that feels like a lie. People do judge. They expect you to act a certain way.

It feels like if you don't act detached, "dark-triad," mysterious, or cold, you aren't even considered a viable partner. If girls I’m not even interested in judge me this harshly just for being a normal human who dances or has a drink, how can I expect the girl I actually like to fall for me? I am not perfect, I have flaws of course, but idk why, this constant situation is really pressing on me.

Has anyone else felt this exhaustion of trying to be genuine in a world that seems to reward mind games?