Did i do right ?

so this is gonna my first post and ofc not gonna reveal all the details so let me get started with my past exp and the current situation

so whn covid hit , at that time i just completed my 10th board and all those shits happed like lockdown and i was single at time never dated a girl nor interest and somehow i got a one personal phone from my mausi and i got into insta dooms scrolling , webseries , games , and all those shit , and i was doing awesome like no tension no drama just eat and enjoy so i met a girl on instagram and we get close become friends and somehow after a year i tell her that i like her and next day she propose me and ofc i accepted it and thing were going nine and fine enough for me but after some months she started her toxic behaviour like she starts controlling me , not let me use insta anymore as she think that im gonna cheat her and when she not even let me talk to my girl classmates and i was mad in love so obv i never say no to her words but still she fight me over sily things like why u reply late , why u dont talk me in night and all this shit , after soemtime i fall for her more and more , she used to abuse me , curse me , and tell me why u dont die and all this and me being me chutiya who never says anything in return to her and just thinking that over the time she will understand and thing will be fine , but fast forward 4 years i found that she was cheating me and double dating me from last 1 months and yup she accepted this by herself , and agn me being chutiya start begging her please come to me back to me i begged her for 2-3 month and i stopped because i get to know that she kissed that boy which hurts me because in those 4 year i went to her state her city somehow and meet her but nevr touch her and nevr wanted to , i always love her soul not body so i never wanted i thought ki after marriage we will see those thing and she was also like that only , so geting to know that she kissed her new just after 3-4 months it breaks me apart throw me in depression sleepless night , anxiety attack become daily routine for me and somehow i able to move on after 1,5 yr .. but yeah i still cant hate her i always wish that she stay happy and healthy and yeah she is ...

so i wanna know what u guys think about this situation in which i was or maybe im still stuck to her , idk because i try to date another girl but no success , i feel that i cant play with someone emotions if i cant love them why need to date them i cant play with someone hearts and let them exp same thing from which i suffer , so i wanna know what u guys thought about this situation ?? specially girls what u think im being chutiya or the person who did wrong and get cheated in return for not putting more efforts , but i believe i did my best i gave my 110 percent for her , stay all night , went to another city being an underage , and many more , did i deserve to be cheated ???