My ex-friend is struggling and it’s her fault

This is very harsh, but after years of mistreatment and disrespect, I’ve (23F) just grown very tired of Emmy (27F) (fake name). She is stuck and she’s the one to blame.

To preface, Emmy was very manipulative and mean to me especially during the last half year of our relationship. Lately, Emmy even suggested I look into a BPD diagnosis so that I could be a better friend, but frames it as “I just care about you!” My own therapist said that I talk about her the same way women in abusive relationships talk about their partners.

With school, Emmy takes one, 3 credit, 5-week course a college semester. Sometimes she drops it if she’s struggling. She can afford to do that because her parents are vets so college is free. I’ve offered to study with her so that we could motivate each other, but she’d use that time to text and play on her phone, then moan and complain that I was busy with my homework. She is going for her associates but is taking forever because of her anxiety.

Emmy has never had a job in her life. She still lives with her parents and off of her parent’s allowance. I mentioned the places in her town are hiring and she rejects that because she hates her town. I offered Emmy to try it at my company but she says it sounds too overstimulating. She wants a job in my city but she says they’re all rejecting her. I thought it was weird she’d try to look in my city considering that means she’d have to find someone to consistently drive her to and from work.

Emmy has let her learner’s permit expire 3 times now. She gets too scared to drive even though she’s driven on the freeway in the past. I’ve done research and sent her links to driving schools. I’ve even offered Emmy to drive my car. She always rejects the offers and says “anxiety.” She doesn’t trust public transportation since it’s uncommon in our area. It’s especially frustrating to me because I always drove at least 2 hours every time we hung out for pick up and drop off alone.

Emmy hates her family. She doesn’t want to live with them anymore because of their attitudes and emotional abuse. I tried to listen, validate, then explain to her that the only way to escape it is to leave. Emmy needs to finish her degree, get a good job, learn to drive, get a car, and move out. But it feels that she stops herself from every single one of those goals.

I understand the underlying theme is her mental health which is why I stayed longer than I should have. Emmy uses the free therapy at our college but walks out of sessions often when she feels invalidated. She cant stand alternative thoughts and is always set in her perspective, even if it is detrimental to her. Emmy has lied to her doctors about taking antidepressants and birth control because she’s scared of side effects. Any path (meds, alternative thinking, physical change, etc) is completely ignored by her.

Emmy was incredibly insecure and assumed me spending time with my other friends, family, or partner was me ignoring her. Rather than deal with her thought distortions, she treated me like shit because she felt justified in it. It’s always someone else’s fault. Never hers. If it was her fault, it was her disorders.

We both have been diagnosed with PMDD and social anxiety disorder. So while I know exactly how difficult living can be, I know it’s not as impossible as she says. I wish her the best, but from a far.