It’s my birthday week and I want to be alone

the past 2 months have been a bit rough for me. back to back issues and inconveniences on top of work taking every bit of energy out of me and what’s happening in the world right now. it feels like everything and everyone is irritating me so i’ve been keeping to myself. i have a therapist that I talk to weekly and apparently i have high functioning depression mixed with some general anxiety.

I had the intention of taking a solo trip for my birthday this year but I’m just not in the mood for it anymore. I’ve been trying to do things that will make me feel better, even if it makes me happy just for a moment. But my friends won’t leave me alone about my birthday plans. I already told them that I wanted to do things the way I want and I didn’t invite them but they keep sending me group activities. I appreciate them wanting to connect with me on my birthday but please stop. For once, i don’t want to feel like I have to perform for other people, which is what I have done. I don’t want to party, i don’t want to go to a club, i don’t want to plan a dinner just so they can show up late. I want to be left alone to do what I want to do. I have solo plans but I also want to sit in my funky mood and honor how I’m feeling, if that makes sense. I don’t want anyone to solve my problems. just let me breathe and release what I need to release. crying has actually been helping me feel lighter (i’ve been crying non stop). Idc how anyone else feels about me not wanting to do anything. it’s not about them. I’ve been the one waking up with anxiety, migraines during the day, lack of appetite, weight loss, lack of motivation to do anything. they don’t feel that. I do. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this, but I just want to be left alone