Something That’s Given me Relief Today

I know we’re not supposed to look for reassurance but today I was looking for something to make the spiral stop. I came across something that really just altered the way I view this problem.

For Context: I’ve been dating this girl for about two months, we’re about 3.5 hours away from each other but It’s been fantastic we laugh all the time, function so well as a team, the sex is great, and I feel comfortable being authentically myself and I appreciate and like her as a person. Although I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about if this is the right relationship for me, if I like her enough, the usual things. What I’ve noticed is this is the second relationship that I’ve been dealing with this issue and I’ve always spiraled out of control looking for certainty that this is the right relationship or that they are the right person. When here’s the kicker.. it doesn’t exist!

I found that at least my brain is constantly looking for certainty or clarity that I will be safe in my relationship, that it’ll all work out 40 years down the road. That I’m not a bad person for thinking these thoughts and feeling the way I am. Or that I’m not leading them on when I’m doubting attraction or if this is right.

My partner has been wonderful in supporting me through this process and she struggles with generalized anxiety, but she always says that the only thing she can do is to focus on right now, and today, because if not then nothing makes sense and it’s easy to get lost in hypotheticals and to work up anxiety. I’ve always struggled with that, but today for some reason it just clicked.

Back to what I found today: *TW*. I admittedly was reassurance seeking and my google search told me that maybe I just needed to focus on right now and today. It really made me realize that truly all I have to do is decide on today. Do I want to be in my relationship today? Do I feel safe to explore my relationship today, do I want to talk to my partner today. All to say that nothing in this world is guaranteed, but if I focus on how things are right now in front of me, then maybe overtime things will get better. I’ve realized that I have to choose to be present right now versus stressing over something that in all honestly I’ll never know because it’s not right now!

I’m not saying that I have the answers on how to “beat” ocd or even if this relationship is the right thing for me, but what I am saying in my own long winded weird way is that maybe if I commit to focusing on the task at hand, the day at hand, the way my partner supports me, commit to remaining myself and my identity without losing myself in my relationship or letting my mind control everything and suck the joy out of the day for something that might not be guaranteed tomorrow then maybe, just maybe everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.

I’d love to open this thread up to conversation and perspectives about your thoughts on this topic AND what you’ve found helps you through this journey, without of course using this to be reassurance seeking material haha