I’m 214 days clean and really close to relapsing

I’m officially 214 days clean from self harm which is the longest I’ve ever been clean since I started. I was absolutely addicted when I first started doing it, and I used it as a coping skill in a lot of different ways.

For the past month or so the urges to self harm has been getting extremely strong and I’ve been really close to doing it multiple times.

One of those reasons why I did self harm was because I struggle a lot with suicidal ideation, sometimes I would self harm so I wouldn’t just end up ending my life (even though I was perfectly fine with handing my life and I wanted to do it really bad)

I’ve tried so many coping skills and nothing will replace self harm for me.

I don’t even know what to do anymore