Am i cooked chat?

Hi, Since I remember I've been bullied for the way I look. When I was 5 older guys(20s) make fun of me because my big lips calling me names. That hurt but not much, but everything changed in my last year of junior school I was 12.

I like this girl so much. Her best friend was also my best friend she was helping me. This girl told my friend she was in love with me, for few weeks I was afraid but take courage a ask her out. I was there shaking but happy, she told me how much I like her, that was one of happiest moments ever for me feeling live heaven first girl who like me back but then she told me (V):I would be able to be your GF if ur face was not so ugly.

That comment shattered everything inside me. Remember running so fast that left behind my friends. When I arrived home my brother was playing GTA literally the guy did not hear me enter was hypnotize by the game. I just sat in a little chunk of wood my mom had and cry for an hour.

Here's the problem I think my brain enter in a self defense mode in that moment. I literally forgot how to speak to woman in general I was like Raj from Big Bang Theory.

For me was, there's not words in my head. I felt empty every moment a woman speaks to me my head was a void, swallowing everything. I was shaking.

When I was in the shit I found the D man Vs the Red pill and that save me for falling into that stuff. But now that I'm kinda recovered I'm afraid in in my late 20s no experience in relationships, any advice???

Note:I hate the girl whe I was young, older I got i realized that hatred is not gonna take me anywhere and if someone in society has a license to be a little cruel is a kid and she was just a kid.

I just want to tell someone for the first time in my life. First time this is out me.

Mods if ur gonna delete tell me before to copy the text please.