After 1 yr and six months, I relapsed

I was doing okay
Then in April, I traveled in hopes of connecting with someone from the past, when that didn’t happen, I ordered a glass of Long Island

The drinking didn’t begin at once. It crept up.

At some point, I was sure I could drink normally

Well, in the last three months, I’ve done things that’ve filled me with shame

For some reason, when I get drunk, I call past lovers or family and give them a piece of my mind. I become insulting only to this set of people

I have strained relationships
I have gotten ill
I have lost weight
My business has suffered
I have lost trust in myself
Had to deactivate all my social media so I won’t go online and say things I shouldn’t

I can’t account for the past few months. I’m alive but I wasn’t living.

I started therapy
I have gone back to God

I’m so exhausted from living this way
I hate that this is my life.

Today is day 1 again for me